


Light Carries On (endlessly)

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Prompt Collection [89]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Protective Tony Stark, Recovery, References to Depression, Rescue Missions, Suicidal Thoughts, Talking, Tony Stark Has A Heart, written long before Endgame hit us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22121953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: Stephen is drowning in pain, memories and bitter regret. Until Tony decides to step in and save his life and his sanity, paving the way for happiness and a bright future.(An IW fix-it that was written months before Endgame was released.)
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: Prompt Collection [89]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1126062
Comments: 50
Kudos: 189
Collections: Fun





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was written ages ago. In late 2018/very early 2019 to be exact. So, totally not Endgame compatible. I didn't change anything now - anything that appears here that reminds you of Endgame is here by coincidence or because it was in the first trailer.
> 
> A long time ago I got this anon ask:  
>  _Avengers 4 except the whole movie is just Stephen pretending he doesn't want to kill himself out of grief and guilt while crying into the Cloak of Levitation._
> 
> The first chapter of his was supposed to be a one-shot and posted to my blog but then I was told that it feels incomplete and that it's cruel to leave Stephen in such a state of despair. So I decided to make it all better and let Stephen recover his love for life (by giving him the love of his life).
> 
> Fair warning: Stephen is very broken (= depressed to the point of being suicidal) in this one, even more so than usual in my stories. Heavy angst and lots of emotional H/C incoming. Tony doesn't well either but still better than Stephen. Mind the tags up there.
> 
> Title from _Saturn_ by Sleeping at Last.

It _hurt_.

Stephen Strange was only a collection of pain, memories and bitter regret. The pain was everywhere - in his body, in his mind, in his very soul. The question why he had been brought back haunted him constantly; all he'd seen when he'd chosen this timeline had been a victory and a living, breathing and halfway healthy Tony Stark. He hadn't seen himself and that had been okay. He'd done his part and with his usefulness over death would have been the final release from the agony of living in a broken body and with an overtaxed mind.

Although he would never have admitted it out loud he had been looking forward to the end. It was time, had been for a while now.

But instead Tony - bright, beautiful and generous Tony Stark - had brought him back, too. _Why?_ He'd been the one do condemn half the universe to death - and Tony to a fate even worse than that. All he deserved now was punishment.

_And you really thought that death would be a punishment for you? You should have known better. Sentenced to life, that's what you deserve. Suffer for an eternity and think about your choices, Doctor._

As always it was the voice of Dormammu that echoed his darkest thoughts. He tried to tuck himself even tighter against the bare rock he was leaning on and let the Cloak enfold him. Stephen bowed his head and relished in the feeling of the soft fabric gently caressing his face. The Cloak tried to wipe away his tears and he let it try. He hadn't managed to stop crying since he'd woken up alone and hurting in the barren desolation of Titan.

The fleeting thought of taking one of the metal pieces lying around and just slit his wrists or throat with it crossed his mind, once again. _No_ , he decided. _You don't deserve that. Hold on and see what's in store for you._ He didn't have the energy or fine motor skills to do it anyway.

He relaxed and tried to get down to the ground without aggravating his injuries too much. The ground was cold and dusty but he wouldn't feel it for long. Death by dehydration was probably his destiny, if the thin and poisoned air of Titan or his injuries didn't kill him first. Whichever it turned out to be in the end, it didn't matter. It was what he deserved, nothing more and nothing less.

He curled up to make himself as small as possible. The Cloak did it's best to cover him from head to toe and continued its soothing strokes. Stephen didn't deserve it, but he found comfort in it anyway.

The Cloak hesitated for a moment before it offered its corners. Stephen took the offer and let both of his hands close around the warm and familiar fabric.

"Thank you. And sorry for stranding you here", he whispered to the only friend he had left and received a sad shake of the collar in response. As far as last words went they weren't the most profound ones but they had to suffice. Stephen closed his eyes and tried to shut out the surroundings and his own hopelessness.

Soon enough he was drifting and waiting for the inevitable end, still cradled and comforted by his Cloak.

*

"Stephen?" A soft and by now very beloved voice tried to get his attention. Stephen resisted, unwilling to face reality even if it was augmented by hallucinations. "Stephen, please, open your eyes. I need to know that you're still here. I didn't get into this freaky thing and fight my way through the horrors of your past just to let you slip away now."

The Cloak suddenly left him, leaving him cold and shuddering in the thin air. But not for long. A loud groan and whoever was with him now was sitting beside him and brought warmth with them. "Stephen?" Tony, once again. A hesitant hand landed on his shoulder. "Can you hear me? Please, tell me that that's really you and not yet another figment of this godforsaken place. Do you even know where you are?"

"Titan," he whispered without even thinking about it. "Dying." Maybe, if he played along with the hallucination, it would stay with him until the moment he finally lost consciousness for good.

A soft sigh was the only answer he got for a long moment. But the warmth and the hand were still here. "The last time I checked Titan didn't have a psychedelic sky and the ground wasn't strewn with crashed Lamborghinis and a myriad of corpses of the same person. Nice car by the way. Shame that it didn't protect you better."

The words made no sense, so Stephen decided to ignore them. The call of oblivion got louder. Still, the ghost of Tony stayed with him and even began to stroke him as if to offer comfort. It was nice.

"Stephen," it finally said after a long time. "We don't have much time left; this place is dying. I'm not hitting you with the whole metaphysical stuff - that's your area, not mine, anyway - but you have to understand that you're not on Titan. We're - God, I hate myself for saying that - inside this so-called soul stone of yours. One day I'm going to find the equations to explain this to you the right way."

"Not on Titan," Stephen echoed dutifully.

"You're not getting anything I'm saying, right?"

"Hurts."

"What hurts?" By now the ghost was trying to get Stephen to move. He neither resisted nor tried to help.

"Everything."

Another long pause. "I'm sorry. But we really have to go. The internal dimensions of this things are collapsing in on itself and we'll get crushed if we don't get out of here ASAP. Don't make me carry you out here. Think about what the press would make of it! _Iron Man enters mystical something and brings back unconscious man dressed like a wizard._ They're already waiting out there, awaiting my return. Sorry. But by the time Peter told me that you elected to stay behind they were already on the scene. Vultures. Look at me. Wizard!"

"Sounds nice." Stephen whispered and smiled slightly at the picture the words conjured up. "Can't move anyway."

"Why not? Come one, I haven't got much time and even less patience left."

The hallucination was getting annoying. Still, Stephen supposed that one last answer wasn't too much to ask for. "Got hurt fighting Thanos. Something's wrong with my back and I can taste blood. Hurt my head when Thanos threw me down."

"Fuck! And you're only mentioning this _now_?! Of all the stupid, useless… shit, that's Rhodey's vengeance for all those times I drove him crazy, right? He always told me than one day I would be on the other side of things. Okay, Stephen, play along with me for a moment. Can you do that?"

"Play with you. Yes."

Suddenly there were to hands on his face and he finally forced his eyes open to meet Tony's beautiful brown ones. The picture was rather blurry but with such a nice view it didn't matter. Stephen smiled at Tony but he only got a confused and rather scared look back. "We're going to play later, if you want to, promise. Whatever you want. But now _concentrate_. You're a doctor, right? A real one, one who knows medicine?"

"Hmmm. Doctor Strange, yes."

"Great. So you're going to be a terrible patient. But not mine so I don't care. Just answer one question: If I try to lift and carry out of here will I do even more damage? Think for one moment and answer me, please." The voice of the ghost got more and more urgent and it finally got through to Stephen. Tony's hold on his face also helped in grounding him.

It still took a long moment for him to gather enough brainpower to really think about the question. "Probably," he finally said. "But it won't kill me." _I think._ More and more of Tony's words finally got processed and Stephen shuddered. "Not much time left."

"No, there isn't." Tony - and by now Stephen was almost sure that somehow the real-life version of the man was here with him - very carefully put his hands under Stephen's body. "And this is going to kill my back but that's better than letting you suffer here."

By now Stephen was coherent enough and tried to stand up. With the help of the Cloak he managed to get on his own feet but that was it. The pain brought a fresh wave of tears and he cried out in fear when could feel himself falling down again.

"Stephen!"

Before he'd quite understood what had happened he was in Tony's arms. The Cloak helped once again, and took most of his weight, but it still felt strange and undignified to be held like a damsel in distress. But the fact that his weight was now off his back and legs minimized the pain and that feeling of blessed relief was so wonderful that the indignity of being held like that paled in comparison. He even dared to rest his head on Tony's shoulder and was rewarded with a quiet chuckle.

"Are you comfy?"

"Still hurts," he whispered, feeling himself slipping away again despite his best efforts. There might have been movement by now but he wasn't sure about that since the dizziness had been getting worse and worse since the moment Tony pulled him up.

A desperate "Stephen, hold on, please, we're almost out of here" was the last thing he heard before he finally found relief in blessed darkness.

*

It was night and the room was only dimly lit by the gentle light of candles when he woke up.

He was at home, in his own bed, and he took a moment to absorb his surroundings before closing his eyes in defeat. _Still not dead_ , he thought but there was a surprising lack of bitterness in it. There was just resignation. Life still wasn't finished with him, he still had to atone. Why had he dared to think otherwise? _Stupid._

"Welcome back. It's nice that you decided to grace us with your presence again."

 _Stark. Tony._ The words might have been harsh, but the tone they had been spoken in was everything but. He didn't react to them in any way. Suddenly, there was a touch on his right arm.

"You're going to be okay, Stephen. Rest and when you're ready call me. Your friend Wong is waiting out there, ready to kick me out. I… there are… forget it. We'll talk about it later. _Call me._ I mean it. I've got your cape on my side, you have no chance."

Stephen wasn't sure if the light touch on his face was real or imagined, just like the whole interlude. He decided to not acknowledge it and keep his eyes closed in case it was just a fantasy.

Later, when he was strong enough to get up in search for answers, he found a brand-new Stark phone on the bedside table, complete with a message from Tony:

_Sorry for dragging you back against your will. I know it sucks. But we're all here because of you and I couldn't leave you there. You deserve to be here, more than anyone else. **PS:** Call me. I've promised you a play-date. TS_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, just maybe, there was more to his life than duty wrapped in endless pain and misery.

In the end it took Stephen a little bit more than a week before the did more than just stare at the text over and over again. _Call me._ Those two little words haunted him and somehow, he just _knew_ that they had been genuine and not some phrase by the great and easily distracted Tony Stark.

It took all his willpower to type _Tony?_ and hit send.

The phone rang not even a minute later.

"Hello?" Stephen hated the uncertainty in his voice. It wasn't as if he didn't know who it was after all. He sat down on the bed, unsure how to proceed. Thankfully, Tony didn't seem to have the same problem.

"Stephen? Oh God, _finally_ ," was the greeting he got. Tony sounded out of breath and inexplicably happy. "I was waiting for you to call and I promised myself and Wong that I'm not going to push you but it took you so long and I was worried. Are you okay? Not hurting anymore? No more dizziness? Bruce and Wong swore to me that all your injuries where metaphysical or some crap like that and that you're basically okay but all I could think about was how bad you looked when I found you in there and that you were hurting so much. I couldn't believe that none of that was real."

Tony finally ran out of breath and Stephen, who had listened to the whole speech with growing horror, didn't know how to react.

"I'm okay," he finally said when the pause on the other end of the line made it clear that some answer was required. "Just a little bit dehydrated and still weak from doing nothing for too long. But I'm not hurt." Why was he talking about his health with Tony Stark of all people? He hadn't even given Wong answers and the man had much more right to them.

"Your head is okay then?" Tony's voice was suddenly much quieter and he sounded honestly curious and afraid of the answer.

Stephen closed his eyes and let himself fall back on the bed. _Fuck._ "Define okay," he said despite himself. _Fuck_ , he thought once again. Tony was more than clever enough and had seen way too much of Stephen's psyche to not hear the truth behind that statement.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that. I know how that feels." Tony sounded honestly regretful.

The next pause was long and awkward and Tony was by now probably wondering why Stephen had even called. He was searching for a way to end the call on a halfway graceful note when Tony sabotaged him once again.

"Stephen? Can I see you? I want to make sure that you're really okay."

He sighed and closed his eyes. His hand tightened around the phone but a warning twinge in his fingers reminded him that it wasn't a good idea. He hated everything but especially himself right now. "I wouldn't be good company," he finally forced himself to say.

"I don't want good company, I want to make sure that you're okay. Or at least as okay as you can be." Another long pause. "I'm sorry, Stephen. Really, I am. I've been where you are right now and it sucks, I know. But I couldn't leave you in there to die, no matter how much you wanted it. I've been told that I have a savior-complex but actually I just don't want people dying on my watch."

The words forced a slight smile on Stephen's face. _Oh, Tony…_ There it was, the damming truth, spoken calmly and quietly. "I…," he began the automatic protest but Tony talked over him.

"Let's meet. I want to see you, you're too good at hiding behind words for my comfort."

 _What?_ "Don't you have a wedding to plan or something?" When in doubt, deflect. But the answer he received sent his world spinning once again.

There as a slight cough and Stephen could almost see the pained grimace on Tony's face during the next words. "Ah, well, that might have been cancelled. Don't tell anyone, we're keeping it under wraps for now."

He sat up, suddenly alarmed. "What? Tony! Why?"

"Let's meet and I'll tell you the whole sad tale. Not that'll take long, it's rather simple, actually. But if you want to know you'll have to meet me. Deal?"

It was blackmail, plain and simple, but Stephen found himself agreeing anyway. "Come over," he said. "I'll make sure that you'll get in without problems."

"Don't strain yourself on my account. Wong has already made sure that I'm on the approved guest list for your museum. See you in a few."

Tony hung up before Stephen could react to that lovely little bombshell. He forced his still rather week and dizziness prone body upwards and into the bathroom. Tony would probably be here in a few minutes and he wanted to make sure that he didn't look quite as destroyed as he felt.

He'd talk to the traitor - also known as Wong - later, he'd decided. Tony first. Loath as he was to admit it the man had managed to do something that neither Wong nor the Cloak had managed over the past week. He'd make Stephen curious and willing to interact with another being for the first time since he'd been brought back from the brink of death.

*

Stephen loved coffee, much more than tea, but he took some kind of perverse pleasure in the act of putting a mug of tea in front of a horrified Tony who took it with the trepidation fit for a poisonous snake - or Loki - but forced himself to take a sip.

"That's actually rather good!" He looked as Stephen as if this was the greatest betrayal in the history of mankind. "Pepper has been holding out on me. She tried to get me off the coffee for ages but…," he broke off as he realized what he'd said.

Stephen took a sip from his own tea. It _was_ the good stuff, nothing else would come into his kitchen. Still, coffee was better. "You promised me a story", he finally said when Tony just stared forlornly into his tea. He didn't want to hear it but it seemed that Tony needed to get it out and since this was the whole, transparent, reason for Tony being here in the first place… "What happened, Tony? When I saw you two in central park I saw two people so much in love that it almost hurt to look at them."

Tony seemed to get smaller and played with his mug. "Not much to tell. She was upset that I left her to follow you through your portal, then she got a last call from the ship and didn't know that I'd survived until I got brought back to Earth more dead than alive. Things - _problems_ \- escalated from then on." He suddenly looked up. "Did you know?"

"That you would drift through space for almost a month before being saved by Carol Danvers?" Stephen shook his head. He'd discovered that over the last few days, courtesy of the unlimited data plan of his new Stark phone and tons of free time since Wong refused to let him lift a finger to help around the Sanctum. "No, I saw the eventual outcome and I knew that it would be hell on you but the details kind of blurred together, you know? It was just too much in too short of a time…"

"Fourteen million six hundred and five", Tony murmured, "in a about two minutes or less. I still can't comprehend it, you know?"

Stephen gave a weak smile that felt like a grimace. Neither could he, if he was honest with himself. "It's a kind of magic."

 _That_ got him a genuine laugh. "So you didn't know," he asked again and Stephen shook his head once again.

"I truly didn't. I just saw Thanos dead," he swallowed at that, even a truly necessary death was one too many for his taste, "everyone lost in the Snap restored and you. Alive. Honestly, I didn't…" He broke off, unwilling to discuss what he had seen in so many of the hopeless timelines, one of the things that had finally pushed him even further into despair.

"That's good." Tony still didn't look at him but he had stopped playing with his mug. "I was afraid…" He didn't finish but he didn't have to. Stephen knew.

"I would have looked further if I had known what it would mean for you," he finally offered after the silence had gotten too oppressive. It was the truth, as useless as it was right now. "But I saw us losing time and time again and finally there was a chance with Thanos defeated and most of us still standing and I just grabbed it. Also," he allowed himself another small smile, "it was the last one I saw before you pulled me out of my trance."

"I'm not sorry about that. You looked like you had a seizure right in front of me."

"You're not far off," Stephen admitted. "The scrying is hell on the body and I couldn't have taken it for much longer. I've never thanked you for pulling me out before I lost myself in there." _Or collapsed unconscious or dead_ , he didn't add. He suspected that Tony could easily read between the lines.

He could.

"You've lost yourself somewhere else instead." Suddenly all of Tony's focus was on Stephen who shifted uncomfortably but somehow managed to hold eye-contact. "Did you know that you would end up trapped in there? Alone, hurting and dying?"

Stephen broke and looked down at his trembling hands and didn't say anything for a long time. "Yes," he finally whispered. "But not the details. As I said - I saw the victory and I didn't see myself there. Are you happy now?"

"No," Tony said sadly. "But relieved that you told me." He reached out across the table and offered his hand to Stephen. "You're even more broken than me and I didn't think that's possible. Let me help you. _Please._ "

Stephen gave a bitter laugh. "There is no help for me. That particular train has left the station a long, long time ago." There was only duty now. And pain. Until the bitter end. Time to change the topic, he decided. "You still haven't told me what happened between you and Pepper."

Tony jerked back as if hit but his hand stayed on the table, still reaching out to Stephen. After a long moment of consideration Stephen put his own trembling one into it. He owed it to Tony to take the offer, he supposed. He was gifted with a small smile and a nod for his gesture of trust before Tony's fingers closed loosely around his wrist.

"You," he finally said. "You happened." His told tightened as soon as Stephen comprehended the words and tried to pull his hand back. Tony held on, obviously unwilling to give up the hard-won contact.

"You and your cryptic words, your stupid, self-moving hair, your gorgeous voice and face and your gruesome attempt at self-sacrifice." His hold stayed strong, but Tony couldn't hold eye-contact anymore and looked down at their joined hands.

"I got to know you in this Soul Stone dimension and I found what I've been looking for my whole life. Someone on my level who not only wants me in their life but who really, truly _needs_ me. Don't even try to deny it. I saw too much of your inner workings for that. Pepper and I are great but not a hundred percent compatible. Maybe ninety-nine. But then you appeared in my life and you are. Compatible. I'm pretty sure of that. Pep and I… we talked about it for a long time before me made the decision. Together. It ended amicably and far better than it should have, considering how long we were together and what had happened. Things are… strained right now and I can't believe that she still speaks to me but I hope that we'll be okay. Eventually. As friends."

"Tony, I'm sorry", Stephen breathed after a minute or so, to stunned and appalled to offer anything else. He refused to even _think_ about that whole 'needed me' thing, despite it warming him deep down in his soul. _Not because of me. Please. I'm not worth it_ , he thought. But Tony didn't hear him anyway.

"I just want you to know that I don't expect anything from you," he said, "It's not your fault after all and you have more than enough on your plate. I just hope that maybe we can attempt to build a friendship. You need help and I can do with it, too. We work well together and there's so much to do, even though the big threat is gone."

"There'll always be another one." Stephen was under no illusion that it wasn't so and he didn't think that Tony was, either. "Are you trying to recruit me into your boyband? Because I can tell you right here and now that I have to decline."

"There'll always be another one, exactly," Tony echoed grimly. "But almost nobody apart from you believes me when I say that." He finally let go of Stephen's hand to stand up and start pacing around the kitchen. Stephen missed the loss of contact and folded his hands in his lap. The shaking was worse than ever since Tony had brought him back and he just wanted to hide them away. "You do. You _know_. And I don't want you to be a part of the Avengers Initiative. I want you to be in a consulting position. Independent and answering to one, except yourself and maybe your magical colleagues, since I still have no real idea who _your_ magical boyband works, but available and willing to help out when you're needed because something big and/or mystical is hitting this planet. I don't need you for the small stuff."

The words should have stung but somehow, they didn't. Stephen breathed a sigh of relief. "I can't promise to always be there. I quite often have to go… away… and you won't be able to reach me."

Tony stopped his pacing and leaned against the table. He looked down at Stephen at that unusual angle was enough to make Stephen really pay attention. "You forget that I _know_ you, Stephen. I have seen what's going on in your life and I _understand_. You're not stupid, you know _exactly_ what I mean with this proposal. Don't give me this 'I have a higher calling' crap."

_I want you to be my friend and maybe more._

Tony had been very, very careful in choosing his words, Stephen suddenly realized. But even he couldn't completely filter out the underlying meaning beneath his words and Stephen finally heard them.

_I want to help you. I want to be there for you. I **like** you._

"You won't give up, not matter what I say, right?"

Tony grinned at him once again. "Nope. And I know that deep down where you're hiding away yourself you don't want me to." He shifted, clearly uncomfortable. "You do realize that eventually there'll be another train, right?"

It took Stephen a moment to get the reference. When he did he didn't know how to react. He'd been alone in his despair for so long that he didn't know how to deal with an earnest offer of help. "But what if it comes into a ghost town?" he finally said and hated himself even before he'd finished speaking.

Tony just looked at him for a while. His grin was gone and he looked sad. "You're not dead yet, Stephen, try not to forget that." He reached out and when Stephen didn't shy away he put a hand on his shoulder. "I once said that there is nothing except this. That there's the next mission, and nothing else. I learned the hard way that that's the wrong way to live a life, especially one as dangerous as ours. We live through the connections we make, the people we love. Without that? We can't do what we do for long. We either die or burn out. I don't want to see either happening to you."

Who would have thought that Tony Stark of all people was so perceptive? So how could he not see that Stephen had passed the point of not return a long time ago?

The hand on his shoulder moved over his neck and onto his face, as if Tony could read his thoughts. Suddenly there was nothing innocent about the touch and Stephen surrendered with a shudder and closed his eyes as gentle and clever fingers danced across his face.

"Look at me, rambling when I promised you a play-date. I was expecting more fun, if I'm being honest." Stephen could hear Tony stand up and move behind him. It took all his willpower to stay still and keep his eyes closed when two hands came to rest on his shoulders. "I know that it's too soon for you but I want to take care of you in whatever small way is okay for you right now."

Stephen smiled, despite everything else. "I've seen us together in a couple of thousand timelines", he said. "There's nothing you can do to me that'll surprise me." _Except the fact that you're doing them in this reality._

The hands on his shoulders tightened. "Together? You mean…?"

Stephen leaned back until the back of his head came to rest on Tony's stomach and put his right hand over Tony's left one on his shoulder. "Those were other timelines," he warned.

"But it was _us_?"

The hope in Tony's voice was his undoing and Stephen swallowed down tears. "Yes."

"Did we work out?" In addition to the hope there was longing now.

"Until the end, when we couldn't defeat Thanos? Yes, we worked _brilliantly_." Better than anything Stephen had ever seen or dared to hope for himself.

"That's… nice. I'd like that for us. Right here, right now. In this reality. Is that okay with you?"

Stephen nodded but his inner pessimist screamed at him to stay cautious. "We know a lot about each other, but we don't know each other," he warned. He carefully disentangled himself from Tony's lose hold and stood up to look him in the eyes. "We are not those other people."

"Of course not. We're the original ones. The ones who _won_. If they could do it then so can we." Tony held out his hands again and after a moment Stephen put his in the offered hold.

"It's not going to be easy. I'm… damaged goods. Very damaged." The admission was harder than it should have been and Stephen could feel himself trembling all over.

Tony didn't look surprised at the admission, just sad. "Do you really think I don't know that? I'm not some model for sanity myself, remember? I'm a wreck with nightmares and panic attacks who sometimes doesn't even know his own name. I will wake you up in the middle of the night and either think you're a threat or someone I have to protect at all costs." He shrugged. "Or both at the same time. Wouldn't be the first time."

 _Pepper._ The name hung unspoken in the air.

Stephen shuddered, but otherwise he didn't react. "I'll probably be the same. I don't know. I haven't shared a bed with anyone since my accident. But if we leave out the last week I don't sleep well. Or much."

Tony didn't say anything after that. Instead he slowly moved his hands up Stephen's arms before he drew Stephen into an embrace. Stephen followed his lead after a moment and put his hands on Tony's hips while Tony's came to rest high on his back, drawing him even closer. After a moment of indecision Stephen leaned the side of his face against Tony's. They stayed like that for a moment before one of Tony's hands gently guided his head to rest on Tony's shoulder, just like it had in the Soul Stone.

"I noticed that you liked it when I touched you," Tony whispered after a few minutes of quietly holding each other. He still had his hand in Stephen's hair and petted him absently. It was soothing like nothing else had been in a long time. "You even responded to it while you were unconscious." Stephen made a questioning noise but refused to move his head from its comfortable spot. "I helped your Cloak in calming you down while Wong and Bruce checked you out when we got back. I doubt that you remember but you almost stroked out from fear when they came near you."

Stephen didn't remember. He was glad about it and tightened his own hold on Tony in response. The next part would be hard and he had to swallow his pride - something he always hated. "Thank you. For everything. Back then and right now." It was easier than expected, Stephen found to his surprise.

"Always. Remember that. I'll try to always be there to get you back home." Tony sealed his promise with a light kiss on Stephen's hair.

 _My own personal train to salvation._ It was a nice thought and Stephen suddenly felt the first glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, there was more to his life than duty wrapped in endless pain and misery.

*

The feeling of hope not only stayed but grew stronger when sometimes later Tony led him from the kitchen back to his bedroom.

Hours later was still there when he woke up shaking from a nightmare in Tony's arms. It survived being screamed at and attacked by a sleepwalking and unaware Tony who begged for death to finally end the pain of hunger and thirst. He took Tony into his arms, restrained him as carefully as possible and promised him through tears that death wasn't what he really wanted. That there were still good things waiting for him in this world.

Hope was main reason for him finding enough courage to reach out and initiate their first kiss a couple of weeks later and hope was shining in Tony's eyes the day he put an engagement bracelet on Stephen's wrist.

Joy was finally the main emotion for both of them on the day they finally married each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Find me here if you to talk about just how beautifully those two fit together. I would love to know what you think about this and how well it holds up in the light of Endgame.


End file.
